American Toilets

One of the joys of travel is experiencing the way other cultures do things differently than your own. That doesn't stop you being able to criticise of course.....

So, American Toilets - especially in public venues (e.g. casino floor) have two bizarre features

1. The seat is U-shaped and sits quite proud/elevated (i.e. with a noticeable gap) from the porcelain rim
2. The water level is extremely high

Now I'm not sure what their poo-engineers had in mind, perhaps they want to leave room for a sub-aqua team to launch from the front of the bowl, or the option to retrofit a little padded shelf for gentlemen to rest their equipment. But it really doesn't match the biology. Raised seats with a gap are already a major risk for sniper-wee, but the damnable u-shape makes it like being an archer standing in the turrets of a children's castle. Given that biology dictactes that our sphincter muscles are significantly co-ordinated, a gentleman has little option but to take firm hold of his equipment and direct attention strictly downwards. This brings me to the second issue....

In European toiletry, bar the savages who advocate a hole in the ground (a sure way to decant your pockets into the merdre....), we universally adopt a low water level. The toilet bowl will act together with the water to take whatever children are dropped at the pool. And anything missed can be dealt with by the circulation of the flushing water or by last resort by using a brush.

Not so our American friends, who prefer having the water level dangerously close to the rim. I imagine it is some vestige of puritanical disdain for any bodily functions 'down there', but the reality is that once you sit down, and take the precautions outlined above....

A seaplane

... you are now engaged in a skilled bit of control, in the midst of an action that biology has prioritised.

A further issue of course is splash back, anything that you place in that bowl with any velocity is now 3 times closer than it would be at home.

I can't fathom it. Perhaps all Americans develop great sphincter control, separating their #1 from their #2. Maybe they even twerk above the seat laying out a bespoke turd like a coiled garden hose.